Friday, May 25, 2012

Prejudice rears its blonde head

Greetings lovely ladies and lacquered lads...

I've been having an exchange with a woman on POF. She saw my profile and took the time to write "Hey, my brother is gay, there's nothing wrong with it - maybey you should try it!!!"

She seemed to be wanting to have a little fun at my expense, so I decided to play with her. Here's the rest of our convo:


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Your conversation with addisyn   
steve44077oh
5/23/2012 8:54:56 AM
I am wondering though, what inspired you to suggest that I should try going gay?
addisyn
5/23/2012 9:21:50 AM
I Have alot of Gay friends that are awesome, and Maybey that willwork for you too!!! Just because you paint your toe nails dosen't me your gay, but maybey you should try that lifestyle because there is nothing wrong with it!!! Good Luck to you!!! Let me know what happens!!!
steve44077oh
5/23/2012 6:24:05 PM
Ok... I just went to Flickr and looked at some photos of guys' boners, and a few shots of dudes getting it on. Nothing happened. No tingling, no stiffening, no erectile function at all. OTOH, when I looked at women touching themselves, the reaction was instant and complete. I'm very sure that I wouldn't be able to perform an act of gay sex - it would be easier (though not much) for me to get busy with Madeline Albright.

How about you? Have you ever made love to a woman, or gotten yourself off thinking about what you would do to make her painted toes curl?? You seem to have a fascination with the gay lifestyle - maybe you should try it if you haven't already! :D
addisyn
5/24/2012 8:10:33 AM
LOL!!! I have a few Encounters with them, But I rather be with a man. Good Luck To You!!!
steve44077oh
5/24/2012 12:49:49 PM
I'm always amused by how many women say "OMG - you paint your nails?? Are you sure you're not gay?"... when their own histories include multiple same-sex encounters and they're NOT asking themselves "OMG - I had sex with a woman, and liked it enough to do it a few more times - am I sure I'm not gay?"

I mean, nail polish is really just paint, the only thing that "makes" it "for women" is the same arbitrary, random social assumtion that used to say "tattoos are or men only, any woman with a tattoo is probaly a dyke". OTOH, a woman having sex with a woman is actually doing something that is actually gay. She doesn't have to BE gay to do a gay thing - I think you're proof of that - but same-sex sex is a lot more relevant to the gayness question than a bottle of paint. Just sayin'...

I mean, I ask everybody "what is it about this bottle of paint that makes it feminine - what are the reasons a man should not wear it?" The only answers I ever get are: '"everybody" thinks it is', and 'I've never seen a man wearing it'. If you have a different answer, I'd love to hear it!

Anyway, thanks for a fun and interesting discussion! Good luck to you too!
addisyn
5/24/2012 1:08:21 PM
Well One must ask themself-- Why do you like to paint your toes and nails? and What makes you think that it is Weird? or Femine? Maybey you want to be a woman? or have Woman Tendencies? Who Knows or cares, That really isn't a reason to for someone not to go out with you!!! Do you paint your nails at work? Would you? and Do you really care what others think? Society is unreal, They look at everthing black and White!!! I do not!!! But people Find that strange!! Are you in a band? Anyway-
steve44077oh
5/24/2012 8:56:26 PM
Ok.. I like to wear color on my nails for the same reason many people get tattoos - because I think it looks good, and it's a form of self-expression.

I don't think it's "weird". I recognize that it's uncommon among men, but to me, what's "weird" is the idea many people have that paint is somehow related to gender identity or preference.

I also don't think it IS feminine. I know that PEOPLE THINK it is feminine, but there's no real reason to think that, only their assumption of what other people think. Try this thought experiment: Imagine that we're a couple, and I have a machine that can transport us to an alternate universe. Imagine that the AU is exactly like ours in every way except that the societal assumptions about nail color, and hats, are swapped. In other words, we go to a place where it's no big deal for men or women to wear nail color, but the only people wearing hats are women. All hats are made in feminine styles - there are no ballcaps, no berets, no fedoras, no cowboy hats, no military covers... only tiaras, bridal veils, pink French pillboxes and wide-brimmed pastel summer hats. Looking around their internet, I find four companies that are making "Men's Hats", and I order a green ballcap, and wear it publicly. Almost everyone there wonders if I might be gay, after all.. I'm wearing a hat, and hats are for women.. "real men" don't shade their eyes from the sun. NOW, imagine we meet your twin there, the alternate "you", and she asks why you're with a gay guy in a girly hat. Would you tell her that there's no REAL connection between a hat and gender identity or preference? Would you tell her that you can imagine a place (this place we came from) where hats are acceptable attire regardless of gender? Would you tell her that by following everyone else's silly idea about "hats are feminine", she's missing out on a really great guy?

OR - would you ask me to please hide my ballcap, because everyone there THINKS it's gay?

That's about where I am. I see our society with an idea every bit as silly as "hats are feminine", I can imagine a world where anyone can use nail color as "acceptably" as they can get tattoos, and I think the only thing keeping our society stuck in this silly idea, is that everyone's afraid to go first, everyone's afraid of questioning the rule, and everyone's worried about what others will think. I'm not afraid to go first, and I don't care what strangers think.

I do care what YOU think though, which is why I've bothered to explain myself a little. I HOPE you'll at least try to examine WHY you feel the way you do about nail color, and consider that it might be possible for a man to wear nail color as a man, without "woman tendencies" or "trying to look like a woman".

Finally, quickly... google "Crowe Gladiator Photo", or pop in the DVD if you have it. Look for a photo where you can see Crowe's knees. Look closely at what he's wearing... Does he look like a woman?
addisyn
5/25/2012 3:53:54 PM
Hey Steve there is a person on the akron personals that would be perfect foryou!!! "Just looking for acceptance is on her profile" under-6gffw-3036801307@pers.craigslist.org- Good Luck!!!
steve44077oh
5/25/2012 6:54:36 PM
That's cute... but "she" is looking for a woman - NEITHER of us is looking for a partner with a dick. We're definitely not a match.

"She" and I also have a totally opposite viewpoint regarding nail color. I'm presuming a bit, but I'd bet that when "she" crossdresses, "she" wears nail color BECAUSE "she" considers it to be feminine. I couldn't disagree more. When I wear nail color, it's NOT "to look like a woman" - my point is that nail color is not related to gender, and whether I'm wearing it or not, my masculinity is not affected. And, anyone who thinks about it, and decides that there's something about nail color that makes it "for women only", is a moron.

Most people aren't morons, they're sheep - they've never thought about it, they just accept "the way things are" without thinking, and they don't question the herd because they're afraid of standing apart from it. A sheep has no identity except what they get from being part of the herd of sheep (that's why "sheep" is both a singular and plural noun.) It's OK to be a sheep - sad, but OK... and it's OK to be a moron if one chooses to be a moron. It's EVEN ok for one to TRY to bully another, pick on them and try to hurt their feelings based on assinine prejudices - just as long as they're honest and admit to themselves that they're NOT 'defending an important cultural value', they're perpetrating intolerance, prejudice and hatred.

I say "TRY", because I am immune to bullying - I know the bully is wrong, I recognize that they're making a pathetic, desperate attempt to elevate their miniscule self-esteem by grabbing onto someone they see above them and dragging them down. I give the bully no respect at all, so I deny them the power to hurt me. I am so far above the common bully that all I feel for them is pity. I laugh in their bigoted, piggish faces and leave them with less self-esteem than they had before.

But, it's Friday, I'm headed to the casino, so I have to go paint my nails. Take care.
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As you can see, she made it clear throughout that she associates nail color with femininity, and on a man, nail color translates to gayness. I asked her several times to think about, and provide some explanation WHY  - and she couldn't do it. And, she failed to persuade me to adopt her POV or to embarrass me for wearing nail color. She failed on all points, and her pitiful attempt is hysterically funny to me. So, I thought I'd share the laugh.
Stay polished, my friends.

28 comments :

  1. That was some amusing convo indeed. At first I tought it was quite unusual too to see that some men like to paint their nails but then I realised "it's, indeed, just paint!" and if women think it looks nice, why shouldn't men too? ;)

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  2. Thanks for sharing! I really should stop being shocked by how stupid people can be.

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  3. I think that you handled her very well....she just doesn't get it , or doesn't want to!!! I look at nail polish as an "art".....both men and women are artists.....keep it up, love your blog :)

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  4. I can't believe you had a full conversation with that idiot! Forget her whole "men that paint their nails are gay" she should be shunned from society for her horrible grammar! She's obviously from Kentucky. Ha ha.

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  5. What point was she trying to make? That not ascribing to every one of your gender "norms" means you're confused and should experiment sexually? She kind of sounds like a jerk, and closed-minded in all her "openmindedness." Indeed, the world is full of MANY variegated shades of gray.
    I used to belong to a perfume forum and the conversations regarding the topic of masculine and feminine fragrance was unreal (I daresay our sense of smell is more complex, singularly and collectively, than our perception and use of color, though, but the concept remains-- a pleasant smell has no gender.) Way to argue and stand your ground, while being kind and realistic about sheep mentality. You've heard the quote "Keep an open mind, but not so open your brains fall out"? I think we all, to some degree, put things, people, ideas in boxes. If we didn't, there would be no room for opinion, debate, change, or growth. What is a truly open mind, anyway? Everyone, even those with the most open of minds, has their preferences. How, and whether or not, you project those preferences on others seems to be the dividing factor.
    Thanks for sharing the convo, and for the thought provoking post. Have fun at the casino!

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    1. You make an excellent point - "I think we all, to some degree, put things, people, ideas in boxes. If we didn't, there would be no room for opinion, debate, change, or growth." There is an instinctive human need to understand people and things. From caveman days, the ability to anticipate that an attempt to turn that bear into dinner will probably improve the bear's diet more than your own... or the ability to recognize that a particular member of the tribe is likely to club you over the head if he sees that you got a rabbit today... was an essential survival skill. We all make pre-judgments every day - whether choosing a mate, a car, a restaurant, or a movie on Netflix. This is actually a good thing, if the pre-judgment is based on logical criteria with some rational connection to the thing being decided. But, pre-judgment becomes prejudice (as we use the term) when it is done thoughtlessly, for no valid reason, and is based on personal biases and bigoted assumptions.

      But, even then, it's not all bad. Addisyn's prejudice, and her willingness to expose it, has enabled me to exercise my own pre-judgment about her and her character... and thus avoid a disappointing experience with a shallow, thoughtless, bigoted woman.

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  6. Haha, that was amusing. You handled yourself very well indeed! Although, you probably should have recommended some grammar lessons. I found her misspelled words and randomly capitalized words distracting.

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  7. I was only a couple of back and forths into it before I started thinking about how either she, or every English teacher she ever had, should be pistol whipped. You have saintly patience.

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  8. Wow you handled that amazingly! I would have gone off on her lol! But honestly I can't believe someone would be that rude and tell you all of that...

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  9. I have seen many male rock stars wearing nail polish. If you like it, rock on. You are in the company of Ozzy and Steven Tyler. My husband has many times had painted toes thanks to our young daughter. It makes him more of a man to me that he cares enough to break "social norms" to make our daughter happy.

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  10. UNBELIEVABLE! I think I would have been yelling so loudly it would've blown her helium head backward! You've obviously encountered a LOT of this - and worse. Sigh. Some people.......

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  11. I'm very impressed. You handled that with intelligence and class. I'm on several NP groups on FB (this is where I saw your link) and I always thought it was odd for a man to wear polish and thought I would really not like it if my husband did it(the whole sheep thing) but I believe in doing what makes you happy and not worrying about other people's opinions. So I never made assumptions of femininity or sexual preference based on hobbies (I enjoy shooting handguns and riding 4 wheelers but then love my polish and makeup!) However, you have changed my point of view. It is paint. Why is it weird? Thank you for being yourself and opening my mind to new ideas. And who knows... maybe one day my husband will enjoy picking out polish that we can share ;o)

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  12. I have to say, I don't think I could have been that mature throughout. You have to have some major patience :O) It is rather sad how close minded and ignorant some people can be.

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  13. Well said. As others have mentioned, I also find it amazing that you gave such a person so much airtime. She clearly has (had) no interest in having an open-minded discussion, and wanted simply to make fun of you at your expense. (I wonder if those are the values she instills into children... Based on her profile photo it would seem she has a son)...

    Anyway, it's late where I am and I gotta go fire up the power sander and grind the paint off my car. After all, paint's only for girls and me, being a manly man, should have a car that LOOKS like a man's car. BARE METAL, baby!

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    1. Thank you, Jim! You've stumbled onto a truth here. You could save wear & tear on your power sander by trading in your car for a DeLorean - they were delivered unpainted (i.e., "manly"..) because their stainless steel bodies needed no protection from environmental decay. That's actually the primary function of paint - protection - and the decorative function is secondary (and subjective - the Amish use black paint, because it provides protection without "prideful" decoration).

      I ask critics to name one REAL reason men should abstain from nail color - set aside the "everyone says so", the "other men don't" and the "that's just the way things are" - and name one REAL reason against it. When they can't, sometimes they counter with "Well, YOU name one "REAL" reason for men TO wear nail polish". I then say "There's a hostile environment inside my workboots. Steel-toes are poorly ventilated, they trap moisture and breed nastiness - but I have to wear them. Just like how cars are painted to prevent rust, the paint on my toes prevents fungus and general dry, flaky, yellow, fugliness. How's that for a real "pro polish" reason? My toes are healthier because I keep them painted - so society is really telling me that "real men" should have unhealthy feet. Are you?"

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    2. And... don't damage your car because one moron in Cleveland sez that paint is unmanly... instead, listen to the many women commenting here and on my Facebook post ( http://www.facebook.com/groups/110406659040438/permalink/313507955396973/ ) that you can paint anything you want to!

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  14. Wow, Steve! That was actually pretty damned hilarious, but the general viewpoint that the lady demonstrated -- that our looks must demonstrate our gender role or sexuality -- is pretty bloody sad! It's like some folks just don't notice that we have equally stupid perceptions of what men are as what we have about what a woman is. If you asked the same lady whether or not she thinks females should wear jeans, I'd bet she'd be singing from her hymnsheet about how women can wear anything a man can. Ask her about men wearing things that are seen as feminine? Pfft!

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  15. I'll have to disagree with you on the "most people aren't morons" point, but other than that, you know I've got no problem with body adornment of any kind, color, or location, on males or females. ^_^

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  16. Well, Steve... as a man who wears polish 24/7/365, I'm right there with 'ya! You rock, dude!!

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  17. Some people are dumb. Good for you that you actually have the patience for people like that, it's pretty awesome!

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  18. "Maybey" she should have learned how to spell such an easy word. She has some real projection and is threatened by someone doing something that makes them feel good, because "maybey" she is repressed?

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    1. Or, "maybey"... "thinking is hard, drinking is easy."

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  19. I have a male, straight-as-a-ruler friend who loves taking care of himself. While he doesn't were bright opaque, glittery polishes like me or you, he's in love with OPI's Ballet Soft Shades and nice shiny Seche Vite topcoats to make his nails nice and presentable. He also occasionally uses BB creams and tinted lip balms and does a lot with his hair.
    As his friends, we see him as a cool guy who do like to take care of himself and keep himself neat and presentable. However he has gotten a lot of s**t (for lack of a better word) about what he does. In middle school he ended up with a guidance consular who would not let him be and was convinced he was 'in the closet'. It seemed like nothing he did would make her quit, and she went to the point of talking to his parents about further help for him.
    I guess what I'm trying to say is that there will always be really stupid people who are to stuck in their own ways to actually listen to someone else.
    Being a bit of a feminist, I know that women had to fit be able to do stuff in 'a man's world', even stuff as simple as not wearing corsets or being able to wear short hair. They were often ridiculed by both sexes, but they made the world what it is today.
    I strongly encourage you to keep on doing what interests you. Maybe one day everyone will be free to dress as they want. I'll keep hoping, and encouraging as well.
    You did spectacularly well with that woman, and it was evident that she (whether intentionally or not) was just being stupid and completely ignorant. She tried to make a fool out of you, but look what happened. I'd love to know how many page views this has received, just to know how big a fool she made of herself. The worst part? It was all her, you did nothing remotely rude or demeaning to her, unlike her to you. I am a firm believer in karma, and this just proves it more so.
    People should be able to choose their own sexuality. I think gays and bisexuals and lesbians should be able to love who they want, but the same rules for 'straight people' should apply too. If you're not gay, and don't want to be you're not. And I'm tired of people thinking 'this is gay, this is not.' I've had friends who look as man-ly man as possible or girls who are pagent queens and super girly, but are gay, and vice versa.
    I find it extremely hard to believe that someone like her could have ANY friends, never mind gay friends.

    This is coming from a 14 year old straight girl. If I can understand how wrong that lady was, I think she should have as well.

    Thank you. For being able to show people that you can face any adversity with a straight head. And for pulling of Zoya Breezi so well.

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    1. OMG, Stephanie... you ARE AWESOME!! Thank you so much! Do me a favor, and please show this blog to that guidance counselor.

      At 14, you're too young to remember 1985... but that's about the time when tattoos - almost overnight - went from being "for men only" to "every girl's gotta get one". I watched it happen. One year, a woman with a quarter-sized butterfly tat on her shoulder could almost hear everybody whispering "She must be gay", and in almost an eyeblink, women were strutting around the beach with 40" snake tats wrapped around a leg. I'm fascinated by two things - one, the collective assumptions society makes about what is OK for either gender (and they ARE assumptions, there's never been a "Big Meeting" where society voted on these customs, the customs come from people trying to do/not do whatever they see others doing/not doing just to fit in with the herd) - and two, the amazing speed with which these customs can change.

      Bullies are motivated by their own INSECURITY. (REMEMBER that all through high school!) Addisyn needed to attack me with an accusation of gayness, because of her own insecurity about her orientation after her multiple "encounters" with women. By attacking me, she can tell herself "I'm not gay, I can't be - I hate gayness". Her real mistake is in trying to conform to what she assumes society expects, allowing "the herd" to decide what's good. My nails threaten her, because she instinctively sees in me a strength she lacks - the strength to defy the herd. If she enjoyed her encounters with women, she should embrace that, because IT'S REALLY OK. It's HER life, and the only opinion that matters in it, is HERS.

      Anyway, THANK YOU for being a bigger, more mature person than Addisyn

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  20. I was at a Walgreens a few months back and I witnessed a little boy and girl looking at press-on nails and picking out which ones each of them liked.
    Their dad came over and kind of half yelled at them that "nails are only for girls!"
    After which, the little girl calmly explained "No daddy look, these ones are for boys. They have blue flowers on them."

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  21. Hi Steve! I was just searching for some ManGlaze nail polishes on the net when I "bumped" on your blog. I should confess that the first thing that came to my mind when I saw a man's hands with girly-painted nails was "Oh my God, this guy is nuts!". Shortly after that, going through your pics, I thought that it is very interesting that a man just wanted to show that art can be anywhere, and that nail painting in different colors is not only for women. And yes, your point in the conversation with that woman was great! You stood at your point and everything you said made complete sense. I just want to congratulate you for being brave enough and sharing your art in a world that is suposedly essentially for women. I don't doubt that after your blog is known worldwide there will be many men wanting to do the same as you do. You are completely right about this silly culture that implies that nail polishes is only for women.
    Success!!!!
    Adriana

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